Unraveling Jealousy

{After visiting multiple national cemeteries in Vukovar, Croatia that were erected to commemorate the battles that happened in the city merely two decades ago, I was hit with the reality of death in war, and its lasting relationship to those who are alive. The implications of death are far reaching, beyond words and structures.}

I've never seen so many graves in my life, the cemeteries of war and brutality and bloodshed, columns and columns of them, city after city. What is it about death that is worth commemorating? Nothing. Graves of war are merely structures that are screaming, shouting aloud for love and peace to the onlookers, "We need Love!" 

Song of Songs 8:6

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

I've been thinking about this verse lately. What does "jealousy unyielding as the grave" mean? I cannot wrap my head around it. Jesus' love and jealousy, unyielding (fierce, severe, strong) as the grave?

It all starts with His love. God's intense love for us caused him to die, head over heels, blood and gut, tears and sweat, for us. He declared to the heavens and earth the worthiness of His beloved, His people as He came to single-handedly pay the price for those that He longed for from the beginning. His jealousy for man's heart began before the foundations of the earth were laid, way before He even came as a man. Can you imagine? He longed day after day to share Himself, His Spirit with man. He wanted to live in close proximity, and unending intimacy, the kind that grows and grows, throwing the concept of honeymoon out the window--- everyday is honeymoon with Jesus.

So His jealousy for me caused him to come to earth to redeem me. What does this mean for me now? It means I now get to share life with God, in the level of intimacy greater than that of lovers. It means now there is no veil between God and I. Here I am, there He is. Bare and naked, just as we are, hearts exposed. I stand face to face with God's very heart! What can I hide? What can I pretend to be? Fully exposed I stand--- and He loves me just as I am. My shame and my guilt He has taken away. My sin no longer stands in the way-- Jesus consumed those sins with his love through the resurrection. He thought and dreamed of being with me, so He came, paid the price, and took me with him. Yet that's not the end of it.

As I was struggling to find myself in Belgrade a few weeks ago, Jesus showed me a picture I cannot forget. It was a panoramic of a grave in the shape of a cross (irksome), and He was standing next to it holding up a photograph of somebody. As I looked closer to identify the person in the photo, I realized it was my face. I paused. Taken aback, puzzled. Well, what do you mean? Then I realized what He was showing me. You are dead, Sabby. Your death has been accounted for. In my 100% death, there, I find life, the FULLNESS of life.

Romans 6:4 
We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

Jealousy unyielding as the grave. My grave. I feel the intensity of His jealousy, His breath, His love. He cannot  have just a part of me, His desire is for ALL of me. I have to choose to give him myself, He can't do that for me, he won't. He wants lovers, not slaves. 

Now, it is now, after my death, I live in constant communion with the love of God. The everlasting pleasures of His right hand, the ecstasy of His wine of love fills me, again and again… My joy abounds day after day, for His love is ever-so-increasing in my belly. You know that sensation of gas in your stomach rising? And the constant burping that follows? Well, I'm constantly burping love! And it's actually pleasant! SO pleasant that I might just laugh my head off. And do it all over again. We were made to laugh you know.

Think of the latest romance movie you saw, do you think that love can compare with the love of Christ? The ferocity of His love cannot be quenched. Love is a person. I think this is all too much for my mind to handle. But again, I was made to behold this glory of love. So I try.

A countdown to Serbia plus

Hear thee, hear thee, Oh the land of Yugoslav nations.

As time tick-tocks its way into the months of February and May, the sounds of this Serbo land increase with growing vitality. Oh Heart, can you take hold of this threshold, such one that you've never met, never known? Well, in reply, it only beats steadfastly... faster, faster.

Perhaps I can imagine the cold with one eye closed, dream of the Adriatic winds with my pinkie frozen, yet my head cannot wrap around the reality of this land. I can mimic the school-time strategy of upping stacks and stacks of index cards, with tapering ideas and distant information, just to feel prepared and adequate for this upcoming adventure. But still, my Heart does not slow down. It anticipates perhaps a little more, a little more, and so it goes.

Yet all of this commotion seems to be background noise still.

There is much to lay hold of even now. Much to gaze at, much to be captured by. And by "much," I speak of infinity, the notion of {was, is and is to come}. The Man Christ Jesus. I want to move with every flick of my Lover's eye, every dash of His hand, and every note of His Word. I want to be moved, woo-ed, won into the Garden by Him. Oh New Jerusalem, my heart rests in Thee, where the Faithful and True sits, holding the Key to this fading world. The throne-room falters not, "it is a physical temple on top of a mound."

Heaven, it is not a vapor. There, our heads find rest, our hearts find food. It is coming to Earth soon, oh so very soon.
 

Check out this song by Aaron Leatherdale.

Get ready, my friends and beloved, prepare your hearts! Jesus is coming, and He's bringing heaven with Him.